Molts de nosaltres podem explicar algun problema amb alguna persona que ens ha fet patir, ja sigui un amic, un company, un nen al parc,… Tots ens hem sentit atacats algun cop, o potser tots hem atacat algú alguna vegada, amb més o menys intenció. No sempre que ataquem ho fem volent, i el mateix passa si patim l’atac.
Les coses no són sempre tan senzilles com semblen, i això ho anem aprenent a mesura que ens fem grans, però també ho oblidem molt sovint i cal que ens mirem a nosaltres ben endins per recordar-ho.
Quan patim en pròpia carn algun despit o alguna mena d’atac ens costa pensar en què li passa a l’altre, que hi ha darrere la conducta de la persona que ens ataca o ens fereix. Nosaltres pensem en com ens sentim i el mal que ens han fet. I és normal, cadascú se’n sent d’allò que li passa a ell.
Però si pensem en nosaltres quan tenim aquell mal moment que ens fa contestar malament a algú o que ens fa fer alguna cosa de la que segurament ens en penedirem quan el cop calent ens passi, ens adonarem que la conducta que ens ha mogut en aquell moment ve motivada per alguna cosa, un mal dia, una discussió, una decepció,…
Si això que ens fa reaccionar malament ens passa un dia rere l’altre, podeu imaginar que la nostra manera de comportar-nos no serà pas massa agradable, i menys si no tenim ajuda per gestionar el que ens passa.
Els pares veiem el que els passa als nostres fills, veiem el què els fa mal o qui els ataca i ens surt l’instint protector, sense pensar que l’altre està patint tant com el nostre fill. Nosaltres sols veiem el que ens toca i el que ens fa mal, i no pensem en que darrera de tot comportament hi ha una explicació.
No us estic dient que ensenyem als nostres fills i filles a acceptar els atacs, sinó que ajudem als nens a gestionar el que els passa i a mirar una mica dins de la gent, a veure que, de vegades, és una defensa.
Mireu el “PerPensar” d’avui i parleu amb els vostres fills sobre les conductes negatives, ajudeu-los a veure que aquestes conductes poden ser una defensa que utilitzem per evitar que ens facin més mal del que ens han fet.
Expliqueu-los que, per protegir-nos, les persones adoptem diferents rols i que podem anar des del passiu, que intenta no fer res i espera passar desapercebut, al de convertir-se en atacant per tal que no puguin amb ell.
Ensenyem als nostres fills que potser donar una oportunitat per solucionar el que hi ha darrera aquella conducta, pot ajudar-nos a tots.
Com a pares, no llancem la tovallola tan aviat i intentem ajudar abans de decidir que som davant un “cas perdut”.
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